the sun always shines on tv

Dear Marianne,

Mike keeps saying, "don't be silly you fluffy old fur ball" , whenever I suggest something like a bath, or bed time, or tea. It's very charming until you realise that he is regurgitating stuff off the tv, in this case, Bits and Bobs.Bits and Bobs are two fluff balls made with someones old knitting wool. It is a Cbeebies show made with budget of 24p, and the cost is reflected in the utter crap that it has produced. Luckily, for almost everything shown on Cbeebies, (with the important exceptions of Peppa Pig and Charlie and Lola)children under five aren't at all discerning, they will watch any old crap, despite what the child psychologits tell you.

Becky's chosen line was, "I love you more than life itself", which did stop me in my tracks, she was about four and pretty intense, but this seemed a bit much. Turns out it is a line direct from that quite bad Disney film Robin Hood - I think Robin says it to Marian. Actually Becky's love of the film The Wizard of Oz was so deep, and she knew it so well, that she would also quote the opening lines of the tape - "If you are watching a pirate video please contact..." - very scary. That film so dominated our lives for a while that I cannot watch it now without feeling physically sick.

Today Becky regularly offers up quotes from Friends, the programme not the uhm friends, and, if it is on the tv she can turn off the sound and recite every characters words in most of the scenes. I think I may not have spent enough time baking and playing connect four with her. Stan does the same thing with The Simpsons. If there is a gap in the conversation he will start to retell a "funny bit" from the show - it is never funny and always very long.

Craig and I have started to fight back - refusing to listen, or just saying boring, don't know don't care, like the petulant children they used to be just a few weeks ago. Archie knows all the Soaps, since he spends quite some time with his granny in Bognor Regis - we don't even use words, Archie clams up when he sees our faces.

Craig and I have no contemporary quotes, we don't go to films, tv frightens us now with all its reality and celebrity. We do quote ancient history though, such as : "do you remember the time we used to go out after dark, do you remember the times we had conversations with grown up people, do you remember that black and white film, do you remember the time when we read books, do you remember me..?"

Have to go, Mike's calling me now because Granny Murray is on the tv and he knows how much I love the programme Me Too, except I don't, but don't tell him for god's sake. He also thinks I like Lazy Town, Big Cook Little Cook and the Shiny Show. I don't really though, I call the shows, Big Cock Little Cock, The Shitey Show and Arsey Town - it isn't clever or funny but until I have time to tune back into tv quality Dramas or read a whole book, or go to a film or have a conversation with a grown up it's the only way I can fight against the tv land demons who have possessed my children.

Rx