Wake up and smell the roses

I am handwriting this blog and Craig is typing it up. He is my right-hand man, and left-hand man actually. The only thing he hasn't had to do for me recently is wipe my bum - although he may have done that too - a lot of May and June is a total blank.

A day in the life of me, well they vary - but today I am up and writing - so lets take a day like today, because it's more interesting than the horizontal type days. These include lots of laying down and Radio 4, where the bad drama is funnier than the "comedy" - oh, the "Now Show" - laugh, I nearly did... Today, however I am vertical and I can look forward to a day of caffeine-free fun, with eye exercises (yes really) and pills. I am up at about 9a.m. then into the front room for my morning cuddle from Mikey - who bounces about like a Tigger and generally cheers me up. Then a cup of decaf tea with skimmed milk or, as I prefer to call it, tea-coloured water. Then high-fibre cereal with more skimmed milk (not milk) and a gluten-free, dairy-free, taste-free raisin slice. Next, my exercises. I sit down for these and with the position I have to take and the two stone I have put on whilst lying down for six weeks and retaining a v.healthy appetite, I look like a buddha but with all the wisdom of a lump of coal. These eye exercises are designed to re-educate brain and eye to recognise the difference between my movement and movement outwith my body. Not the sort of thing you would imagine you would have to go back to school for, but there you go - what do I know? If you wave at me I try to move with you these days. My exercises make me look like an idiot and I am reminded of that bloke with learning difficulties who was in a documentary which was probably called "The Mentally Handicapped - why are they all so stupid?" as it was broadcast in the early Eighties. Anyway, this one bloke spent his day quite happily staring at a small piece of wood tied to a piece of string which he dangled in front of his face. 2 exercises require me to do similar using my thumb in the place of wood. Inevitably by 10a.m. I am feeling dizzy, or is it wobbly, or maybe off-balance, or just weirdy deirdy doo. I don't have the language for it - but the medical profession will insist on me offering more than "I feel fucking awful all the fucking time, so stop moving".

At this point I have 2 options, rest or "do stuff". On a vertical day I choose doing stuff - it's not very scientific - but I am much less convinced by science than I used to be and steadily working my way towards blind faith - get lost Dawkins, hello Jesus! Doing stuff is always good for my mental health and bad for my physical health. So even though I know that, I am somehow always surprised and upset when I find myself vertigo'ed up by the end of the day.

This vertical day is the best (touch wood, touch wood, cross arms, legs, fingers, breasts) day I've had since last Thursday when a number of things happened - a too physical massage, hayfever, my first visitors proper for months. It could be that one, some, or all of these factors made the dizzy's return - I wish I knew - but I don't which makes this whole rehabilitation thing a wee bit like guess-work and so once again I turn to blind faith. Which is why I have to believe the words of Dr Surenthiran, my guru, and his caffeine-free, chocolate-free, dairy-free, citrus-free, fun-free diet, his brain and eye exercises which make me look and feel ridiculous, not to say faint, and the tiny white 10mg pill called something beginning with N which doesn't seem to do anything but must be doing something in a magical way which I don't understand.

So that's it, a vertical day, pretty good, so far. No doubt I will play one game too many with the kids and have one too many conversations with more than one person and be horizontal by the end of the day. I am an impatient patient and generally a very bad patient - but, slowly, very slowly, with the help of blind faith, Craig and the kids, family and friends, I am learning to slow down and smell the flowers.